Photo by sergis blog

I have not written in months, but it’s time to start blogging again. My last entry was about a great pizza place I visited on a warm spring day in May. One day led to another, then I was deep into summer, and then it was back to school. Now that the weather is cold, and it is the New Year, I feel like getting back to Parent Jazz.

Today’s entry is about 10 steps for getting organized for back to school. With three school aged children, my house is in a constant state of near-chaos. However, there are some tips I’ve learned over the years and would like to share that help keep things less crazed.

1. Pack up the kids’ school bags the night before. Cleaning out and packing up the school bag, collecting all of the papers, homework and permission slips the night before makes the morning process much less crazy. I also find that the younger are your children, the earlier in the day you should go though their school bags. I have stayed up late too many nights because I didn’t find the note from my kids’ teachers reminding me to send in brownies or some other treat the next morning until late at night. Even with older kids, this is a good exercise to help them think through and plan for the next day.
2. Create a launching pad to get out of the door in the morning. Once the school bags are packed, put them in a place where everything is collected to go out the next morning. In addition to the school bag, this place can be where projects, sports equipment, special clothes and other necessary items are all kept. This helps avoid the last minute running around in the morning looking for shoes, glasses, gloves, or whatever other items tend to be forgotten until your kids are walking out the door.
3. Have a space set up to work and study. I had to remind my kids, this does not include the space in front of the TV.  The study space should be away from distractions, well lit, and have school supplies nearby so your kids don’t have to go wandering around looking for things. With younger kids, a centrally located spot like the kitchen table is fine so an adult can supervise, help keep them on track and be available to answer any questions. Older kids don’t need as much supervision, but should not try to work in front of the television. 
4. Make studying a habit. Establish homework and studying time as part of their routine. After coming home and having a snack, kids can then sit down to do their homework. Even when my youngest has no homework, we give 15-20 minutes of some extra reading or other type of work to do at home just to establish the habit. As kids get older and get into other activities such as sports, it becomes increasingly important to establish the habit of sitting down at a specifc time to do their work.
5. Create a school folder for each child. This is the place where all the reminders, permission slips, teacher notes, and notices are kept. Every child will bring home loads of paper notices, and you need to have single place to keep all of that information. In addition, to having a place to keep it, you also have to have a set time to deal with it. For us, it’s during dinner. So when my kids come home and say “I need you to sign this”, I have them put it in their school folder and we can go through it during dinner. This also gives me a chance to coordinate all of the kids schedules and make sure we don’t commit to attending a concert for one kid, when there is another conflicting event for another kid. This leads me to the next tip….
6. Put up a family calendar. List everyone’s commitments and events, where they will occur, what time, and what is needed for those events. We use it for both school and social commitments such as birthday parties, as well as doctor’s appointments. Again, with more than one kid and working parents, having that visual reminder of who needs to be where, and when helps keep us organized. It also is the place where things can “land”, meaning when a notice or appointment comes in, I can put it on the family calendar and not have to worry about losing it.
7. Meet other parents and exchange phone numbers. Despite having systems to keep track of notices, there will be times when you need another source of information about what’s going on in school. This is when other parents can be helpful. In addition to sharing information, it simply helps to build relationships with other adults with children. Your child will develop friendships with other kids in class and the kids will want to spend time at each other’s house. Knowing the parents helps to make sure your child is safe, and you are comfortable having her spend time in someone else’s home.  
8. Buy things in bulk so they are on hand whenever you need them. For me this starts with school supplies, so we have lots of paper, pencils, and other supplies on hand for most of the year. However, I also use this strategy for things like brownie mix, which I buy from Cotsco so we always have some available for school events, bake sales, pot lucks and other brownie emergencies. In addition, at the beginning of the school year I will buy several gender neutral, age appropriate toys and have them wrapped. So over the course of the year, as my kids get invited to birthday parties, we have a wrapped present on hand and have one less errand to run on the weekends.
9. Plan for breakfast. Studies show that children who eat breakfast perform better in school. So make sure your child doesn’t leave the house without having something to eat. The best breakfast does not have a lot of sugar, and consists of complex carbohydrates and some protein. While this could involve cooking an egg with toast, or oatmeal with milk, you can create ”grab-n-go” breakfast like a bagel with peanut butter, or yogurt with granola. The point is to not have to think about it in the morning, but to set up standard breakfast options so it’s one less decision to be made on busy mornings. 
10. Get everyone to bed on time (especially the parents!). I’ve written about the importance of sleep before. In this case, it applies to both the parents and the children. I have teenagers, and it is harder to get them to bed on time than when they were younger. When they stay up late, it is hard to get them up in the morning, they usually oversleep, and it makes the whole morning routine rushed and chaotic due to lack of time and focus.  On the other hand, my youngest is in bed on time, getting her up is a breeze, and her mornings run very smoothly with no grumpiness and very little drama. So get everyone to bed on time.

Over the years, I have used each of these tips and find they work and are really helpful. Unfortunately, I have not been able to implement all of them at the same time. Hopefully, you will be better able to put these tips into practice to make the school year run smoothly for your family.

Anne

On any given Saturday, I often am out with my kids and they frequently get hungry. I don’t want to feed them junk food like McDonald’s, but I don’t want to spend a small fortune to feed them either. So what’s the compromise? Pizza!

We are lucky to have lots of pizza places in Westchester, and one of the best is Sal’s in Mamaroneck. This place was first recommended to me by a friend who is Italian and grew up in Brooklyn. I figured he should know a good pizza when he tastes one.

The last time we went was on a Saturday afternoon. As we walked up the street towards the restaurant, I could see the line of people coming out of the door. Was something wrong? Did the oven break down? Were they rationing the pizza? Nope. It was just a usual Saturday, and with pizza this good, there is often a line out the door. I knew that was a good sign, and was happy to join the line. Fortunately, it was not a long wait.

We ordered a regular cheese pie, with one quarter pepperoni for my meating-eating teenage daughter. You can see that the pie was a vision of perfection. Not too much cheese, baked to bubbly brown colored perfection. Adequate amounts of sauce to support the cheese. Generous crust to hold it all together. Then comes the first test to see if it’s a good pizza: when you take a slice (we don’t eat “wedges” we eat “slices”) from the pie, is the crust crispy enough to hold the cheese? Or is it soft and flabby and melts under the weight of the cheese. This pie crust held up! The first sign of a good, crispy crust.

Next comes a paper napkin to remove excess oil from the top of your pizza slice. You can dab it with a paper napkin, but I prefer to lay the napkin on top of the pizza, apply slight pressure to help it soak up the oil, then gently lift the napkin taking care to not rip it and leave some paper on top of your pizza.

Next comes your condiments–for me, the pizza trifecta is garlic powder, red pepper, and parmesan cheese.

Then you need to decide how to hold your pizza. I like to fold it in half lengthwise. This helps to keep the cheese from falling off. Others prefer to eat a slice unfolded. To each his own. The first bite will tell you if it’s a good pizza. The crust will have a good crunch, and may have a slightly smoky flavor. There won’t be too much cheese, and it will be tasty and not too salty. The sauce will play a supporting role, again not too salty but adding good flavor. If you have ordered additions like pepperoni, onions, mushrooms, or other meats and veggies, they too will play their role in providing you with a sublime pizza experience.

I am pleased to say that Sal’s pizza provided the perfect pizza experience, just as I have described. While they have other great foods on th menu–I suspect the Minestrone soup is excellent because there were so many orders being eaten at other tables–their stand out specialty is their pizza. Thus, I would call this the best pizza place in Westchester. If there are others that you think are just as good or better, then let me know. I will be happy to go and check them out and report back here. Until that time, Sal’s has the best local pizza in my opinion.

Anne

I wrote a post about ten reasons why drinking water is good for you based on my experience with drinking more water. I want to update you about a recent article in the NY Times (my favorite source for scientific and health information) which reported results of a review of clinical studies on the benefits of drinking water.

They found there were few benefits except:

1. Drinking water helps the kidneys to clear sodium, which can reduce the risk of dveloping high blood pressure, and
2. Drinking water could help control weight gain by decreasing your appetite.

So is water the magic elixir that will solve all of your health problems? No. But the studies do show some benefits for weight loss and reducing risk of developing hypertension. In addition, my own experience tells me that it helps my skin, my digestion, and improves my exercise tolerance. Relying on clinical studies for evidence of the benefits of water assumes that the studies have been done. I think clinical studies on skin texture are not likley to get funded, nor likely to be done by researchers interested in finding cures to more critical health conditions like diabetes and high blood pressure.

So all of this is to say that while drinking plenty of water may not be the panacea cure for serious medical conditions, but It does help you to maintain good health and well being–and we all need more of that.

Anne

A couple of weeks ago, I convinced my family to have an Unplugged Sunday. This is a day with no electronic use–no television, no computers, no video games, no electronics, no nothing. The motivation came to me after reading an article in the NY Times by Mark Bittman regarding his experiences with being unplugged. Bittman is better known for his work on minimalist cooking, however he did share his unplugged experience in this particular article, and said:

“Once I moved beyond the fear of being unavailable and what it might cost me, I experienced what, if I wasn’t such a skeptic, I would call a lightness of being. I felt connected to myself rather than my computer. I had time to think, and distance from normal demands. I got to stop.”

Lightness of Being? That may be asking for a lot, but being unplugged did sound like something worth trying. My first hurdle was convincing my daughters. “You mean no TV! But it’s the weekend!” Yes, girls no TV. No computer. No nothing. “Well could we go out and see a movie?” This was going to be harder than I expected. I realized my vision for being unplugged was not getting through to them, so I decided to get my husband’s help.

My husband is a CNN/video game/iPhone/web surfing junkie. However, he did buy in to the idea of being unplugged for a day and immediately turned everything off when I shared the idea. He lasted for 20 minutes: “What are you doing with your iPhone?” “Oh I was just looking for recipes for dinner tonight” “What’s wrong with the 30 cookbooks in the kitchen?” “Nothing, it’s just that I’d rather look it up on the ‘net”

Finally after a lot of cajoling, and a little policing, I was able to convince everyone to turn everything off and unplug. And what happened? We had a nice quiet Sunday at home. Our day was filled with reading, chatting, playing games, a slow cooked dinner, and really feeling like Sunday could actually be a day of rest. My husband bought the original game of Risk for Christmas last year, however our family has not had a single chance to sit down and play the game. Perhaps after a few more Unplugged Sundays, our family will find the time to sit together and play the game.

In the meantime, I would encourage you to try having just one day per week where you are unplugged. What I found is you read, you talk. Life happens.

Anne

The warm weather is FINALLY returning, and I am headed back outside with my kids! One of the good things about living in Westchester is there is a lot of outdoor public space available for exploring, playing, and learning. One such place is Lyndhurst, which is a beautiful Gothic Style mansion with surrounding grounds that overlook the Hudson River. They have events open to the public throughout the year, and this weekend held a LEGO festival.

Admission cost $7 per adult, while kids were free. LEGO activities included seeing LEGO Robotics League submissions from NYC school children. After talking with a couple of the teachers who were there with their teams, I learned that there are no teams from Westchester schools, and there are few girls who get involved. My husband is an engineer, so I came home and immediately launched into why he should start a LEGO League Team in our town’s school and reach out to girls to participate. He just nodded and smiled, as he often does when I come home really jazzed about something.

Other activities included seeing the work of master LEGO builder Arthur Gugick, who told me he is a math teacher by day, and LEGO Builder by night. I asked him how he created his designs, and he told me he designs everything on paper and devotes lots of time to mapping out his designs before he begins. I also learned he gets his parts through a huge Ebay trade on LEGOs pieces, and there are 4,000 different LEGOs pieces he uses for his creations.

Other activities included open tables with loads of LEGOs pieces for the kids to build and create, a treasure hunt through the property, and a tour of the Mansion. While there was food available for purchase (bring cash, no debit cards accepted), the weather and the grounds were so beautiful, it would have been a perfect venue for a picnic. Overall, it was a fun and inexpensive outing, with lots of running around, which was great for inducing a good afternoon nap in my four year old.

Anne

Photo by Clearly Ambiguous

Learning how to say “No” is a critical skill for leading a simpler life. People make demands on your time, your attention, and your energy and will continue to ask for more until your tell them “No”. While it is such a simple word, it can be so hard to say because we want to help out, and don’t want to disappoint others. However, having a simpler life requires having more time, and being in control of your time so you can spend it doing things that add value to your life. Instead of running around meeting the needs of others, it’s better to be relaxed, spend time with people you love, and give yourself enough time to get the things done you need to do. While saying “No” can be hard, I do have a few points to share that will make it easier.

• Don’t give a reason, just say no. If you give a reason, then that opens the door for negotiations to overcome your reasons. At work, I get asked to give a lot of talks. They often provide no real professional benefit, are inconvenient, and I don’t want to do them. I asked an older colleague how she handles requests she doesn’t want to do, and she told me “treat it like when you were dating; you just said no and didn’t need to give a reason” I don’t know why that resonated with me, but it made a lot of sense. So when a request comes in that I don’t want to do, I thank them for the request and say no.
• If you must give a reason, then make it impersonal. My sister once asked if she could borrow my passport since we look alike and she needed an I.D. to get into a club. It was not a hard sell to tell her I don’t give my passport to anyone. You can use other excuses that say “it’s not you it’s me” like “I don’t loan money to friends or family”, “I have already decided where I will be making donations (or volunteering my time) this year”, “I need to slow down and am not traveling for holidays”, “My kids are allergic, and we cannot keep any pets in the house”. You get the point, these are all general statements, that are great ways to say no, and would not be offensive to most reasonable people.
• Consider the cost of saying yes. What will it cost you in time, energy, lost opportunities to do something else, time with your friends and family? I once heard someone say “if you had six months to live, how would you send your time? If the thing you are being asked to do is not on that list, then don’t do it”. Fortunately, most of us have more than six months to live. However, the point is well taken. Life is short and you should not spend it wasting time on things you do not enjoy. If a request does not make it on to your “six months to live” list, then don’t do it.
• Let go of guilt. Most of us want to please others and when we can’t we feel guilty. However, a huge plus-side of guilt is that it is an emotion that is entirely within your control. Other people can make you feel sad or happy, but only you can decide to allow yourself to feel guilty. Exactly what is it that you owe the other person? Why do you feel obligated to them? Why is it so important to please them? Will fulfilling this request really please them that much? Do you think that you are so special that they cannot get someone else to do this task? If you don’t want to do something that is being requested of you, don’t feel bad that you cannot address someone else’s needs.
• Get it over with quickly. I am guilty of procrastinating on saying no because it is unpleasant and I don’t want to let someone down. Also, I want to make it seem that I have given some thought to the request. However, if I let too much time pass before I give an answer, I feel more obligated to say yes because they have less time to find someone else to do the task. If you know the answer is no, just say it as soon as possible and get it over with.
• Practice saying no. You can start with small requests that are easy to turn down. You can get used to saying no by starting with simple requests and learning that people will not think less of you, they will still like you, and they will be able to get someone else to do it. After you have had some practice and learned that the world won’t stop with the little “no”, then you can move up to saying “no” for bigger requests.
• Don’t succumb to flattery. Whenever someone starts out with a statement about how great, smart, knowledgeable, informed, eloquent, or beautiful I am, then I know it’s going to be a major request. Don’t fall for it! In fact, I get annoyed. I am not so easily swayed that basic flattery will get me to engage in an activitiy that causes me to fall behind at work or spend less time with my kids — unless their flattering statements are true . Although they may tell you that you are extremely bright, smart, efficient, effective, organized, and thorough, trust me there is someone else out there who is equally talented and can take on this task instead of you.
• Take time to appreciate the benefits of saying no. My biggest challenge is getting requests to go give talks, which often require travel and being away from work or my family. When I say no to these requests, I still keep the date in my calendar as a reminder of what I was asked to do. When the day comes, and I end up using the time to catch up at work, or play with my kids, or eat dinner with my family, I remind myself that this is what I could do because I was able to say no to a request for my time.

Anne

I have started physical therapy for my runner’s knee and was told that it will take me about four weeks to build enough strength and flexibility to get back out and running.

Although there was a recent article in the NYTimes which reported studies that found stretching does not reduce your risk of injuries, most of what they have me doing right now focuses on stretching with a little bit of strength.

I am listing the procedures that are part of my physical therapy, and will report back whether they help or not. So far, my pain is diminished and I can now go down the stairs without pain.

1. Apply warm pack to knee for 10 minutes
2. Massage the patellar tendon and the iliotibial band.
3. Stretch your quadriceps muscles, that is the thigh muscles in front of your legs.
4. Hamstring stretch, the muscles in back of your thighs.
5. Stretch the iliotibial band.
6. Piriformis stretch.
7. Using a soccer ball held between your knees, go up into the bridge pose and hold for 30 seconds, Repeat three times.
8. Do leg lifts. Lay on your back with one leg bent with your foot on the floor. Straighten the other leg along the floor. Now lift your straightened leg being careful not to lift it higher than your other bent knee. Do three sets of ten on both sides.
9. Side leg lifts. Do three sets of ten.
10. Balance on each foot for thirty seconds. Repeat three times
11. Using a leg press, press away from you with both feet. Then return to your starting position using one leg, the one with the affected knee.
12. Ice your knee for 10 minutes.

So this is my routine, and time will tell if it helps my runner’s knee.

Anne

I procrastinate. A lot. Especially when I have to do something that I don’t enjoy, am scared to get into, or just feel overwhelmed. However, I recently had to write a report, and it was the kind that I often avoid or procrastinate doing. This time, I had a quick deadline for finishing the report, so didn’t have time to do my usual procrastination, and just jumped right in. As a result, the report got done quickly and I didn’t waste time mulling over the work, procrastinating about it and having it hang over my head. Deadlines can be good that way, but everything doesn’t come with a deadline that forces us to avoid procrastination. So here are some tips that I have used which help me to avoid procrastinating.

1. Just start. It can be very useful to simply start a project, but make no promise about being perfect or getting finished. Instead, I just jump right in, but limit myself to one hour of work as a way to get started. So whether it’s cleaning out my basement, or writing a major report, the job doesn’t seem as big if I just get started and promise myself that I will work for only one hour.
2. Make a decision. Projects can sometimes sit indefinitely because you need to make a decision to get it started. Painting your living room? What color will you choose? Making plans for summer camp for your kids? What camp will you pick? Again, just taking that first step to gather information you need to make a decision helps. However, set a deadline for yourself to gather enough infomation and then choose. Then you can move towards action to execute your choice.
3. Use bribery. Give your self a treat — it can be a piece of chocolate, a massage, or a weekend away. Promise yourself a a reward once you have finished a task or project you are avoiding.
4. Use denial. Withhold something until you have completed that task. When I am at work, I often don’t allow myself to go to lunch until a specific task has been completed. This forces me to get it done, and then I can reward myself with food.
5. Don’t try to be perfect. It’s sometimes hard to start a job that you want done perfectly. How can anyone live up to that expectation? In stead of perfect, try for “good” or “good enough”. Besides, many projects can go through draft stages so that getting to perfect is almost possible. For me, the hardest part is getting started. But when I let myself off the hook and say it doesn’t have to be perfect, but has to be something that I can improve perfect, it makes it easier to get started.
6. Work with someone else. People do this all the time to get in shape by hiring a personal trainer. I recently did this by training for a half marathon with a partner. Knowing that she would be waiting for me at 7AM was all that I needed to get out of the bed to go and meet her for a run. So whether it’s working out, or writing up a report, collaborating with someone else can force you to stop putting it off and starting getting it done.
7. Face your fear. Sometimes people procrastinate because they are afraid of the outcome of their work. Visualize the worst case scenario–what would happen if you fail in this task? When you address it directly, it is often not as bad as you imagined. Then knowing how bad it can be, frees you up to imagine how good it can get–and work towards making that a reality.
8. Unplug. No food. No music. No nothing. Eliminate any distractions so you can simply focus on the task at hand. I have seen people spend so much time setting up the right work environment–the right drinks, food, music, temperature, whatever–that all their energy goes to set up and none goes to their work. Just keep it simple, and keep things away that could distract you. If you want to eat or play music, use that as a reward (see #3).
9. Just let it go. There are some tasks that sit for a long time, not getting done. Then when you turn your attention to it, you realize it is no longer important or timely or simply needs to not be done. When that happens, just take it off your “to do” list and use your energy for another current project.
10. Don’t start a blog. I often end up here blogging, instead of doing some work or project that I am supposed to. Blogging is fun. Going through my work email is not. Recognize where you let yourself get distracted and try to avoid that situation. With that said, I will get back to work……

Anne

I have teenagers. And like most American teenagers, they watch MTV. As a result, they have been exposed to “My Super Sweet Sixteen” which is a show about over the top sweet sixteen birthday celebrations. While she did realize that the show is about over the top coming of age parties, after going to a couple of bar and bat mitzvahs in the eighth grade, my daughter started to drop hints about wanting to do something REALLY special when she turned sixteen. I could just see her eyes light up as she imagined an event that would make her queen for the day.

Where did all of this need to celebrate each birthday like it’s a national holiday arise? I remember my 16th birthday was the year I was allowed to have a house party with some of my friends coming over–I have no recollection what we did for my sister who is one year younger.

So can we parents make a pact? Can we promise to keep it simple, not raise expectations about wedding-like sweet sixteen parties, and stop this madness? As we have gone through this past school year, I held my breath waiting to see what kind of sweet sixteen invitations would come in. It turns out, there were very few. Unlike eighth grade, when each weekend found my kids at a major bar or bat mitzvah event held in every country club in the county, this year has been relatively quiet. So I think the sensible nature of most of parents is prevailing, and we are not having over the top events.

I am doing my part. As long as she has been lobbying for a fantastic sweet sixteen event, I have held steadfast and said “No”. Having seen what some of these events are like, I realized that it was a choice between her dream Sweet Sixteen party and paying for her first year of college–I choose college. We are currently discussing a more sedate barbecue for 50 of her closest friends.

Anne

Photo by touterse
I like to use natural substances for healing as much as possible. However, I need proof that they work–particularly when they are expensive. Honey is a natural remedy and has been touted as good for treating lots of ailments. I first thought of its medicinal use after reading about a study that reported on honey and its effectiveness in treating night time cough in children.

After looking more into honey’s healing properties, I found there was lots of evidence showing that honey has good antibacterial qualities, and can be used to help heal wounds and burns. It has even been reported to be effective against staph aureus which causes a lot of wound infections, including the antibiotic resistant strain of staph called MRSA (methicillin resistant staph aureus).

Apparently, honey works to help heal wounds because it provides high concentrations of hydrogen peroxide, killing bacteria. The high sugar content (scientifically known as high osmolarity for you chemistry buffs) also kills bacteria. So the healing properties of honey are well described and well known.

But what are the drawbacks?

There is lots of variation in the strength of the healing properties of honey, and it depends a lot on what were the floral sources for the honey. Whatever source you use, it would be wise to make sure it is organic and does not contain pesticides or other contaminants. One type of honey that is reported to be created for medicinal use is Manuka honey from New Zealand. While the Manuka people insist nothing else will do, I am not clear on why it is so much better than a good organic honey. Many of the studies I saw used this honey, while others did not specify that it was Manuka.

I also have concerns because I’ve recently seen news stories about CCD, or colony collapse disorder, which is a condition where the worker bees in a colony suddenly disappear. The cause of this is not known, but the experts think it may be due to a combination of viral infections in beehives, exposure to toxins, or some immune problems with the bees. Since CCD has now been observed in Europe, North America and Taiwan, it would be important to make sure that any honey you use (even for your tea) does not come from a hive with CCD until the experts know the cause and risks to people.

So the bottom line is honey seems to work well not only for coughs, but for healing wounds and skin infections. It may provide alternative or supplemental treatment to antibiotics, and reduce our need for them (which contributes to antibiotic resistance). It is also effective against MRSA, a type of bacteria that is becoming harder to treat with current antibiotics. If you are going to use it, make sure it is free of impurities and pesticides, so invest in organic honey.

Anne